Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (206)

Last Night in Washington (206)

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I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

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There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl

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got weed?

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I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

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sorry mom...

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(206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv

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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

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(206): My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help. http://tfl.nu/31aq

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im bored tell me something entertaining

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You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

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(425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao

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two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

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only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

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(360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4

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So can I buy you a drink sometime?

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Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

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(918): So can I buy you a drink sometime? (206): Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days. http://tfl.nu/hks4

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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.

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(206): She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy. http://tfl.nu/ixzo

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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

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Or, you could have used a condom

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(808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i

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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

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(206): I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before. http://tfl.nu/t0my

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he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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(206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40

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I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.

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(206): I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole. http://tfl.nu/haw4

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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

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(206): I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed. http://tfl.nu/hhhb

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Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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(206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66

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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

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(206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again. http://tfl.nu/x87e

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when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

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(206): when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp. http://tfl.nu/bpd1

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Last Night in Washington (206)

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