Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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