Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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