I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize