I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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