You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize