if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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