Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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