My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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