True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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