Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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