BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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