She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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