if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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