we have pet lesbian snakes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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