i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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