i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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