If i come over, it means nothing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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