he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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