I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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