Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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