My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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