I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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