sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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