there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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