Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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