Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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