Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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