C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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