I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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