Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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