dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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