My hand turned me down
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize