awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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