I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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