got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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