ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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