i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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