So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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