Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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