I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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