I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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