just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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