Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i out mim tonsoeep
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