It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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