she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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