I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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