remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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