I wish I only lived at night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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