Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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